All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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