How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
