we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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