all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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