Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
