Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
