He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
