Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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