Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
