i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
