just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
