I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I want is dick and wine.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
