So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
