Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
