hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
