1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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