I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
