im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
