I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
