Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
