I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
