I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
