I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize