1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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