I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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