Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
