just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That accounts for only three of the penises
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
