Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
