remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
