I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
