You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
