I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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