You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
