dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
