Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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