she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
my liver is dry heaving
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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