Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
