You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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