Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
As shirtless as possible
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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