that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
