It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
