Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
