what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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