Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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