i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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