I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
