I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize