stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
