me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
