I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize