the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
