So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
