I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
