I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
