dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize