That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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