Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
