I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
splinters make it hard to masturbate
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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