it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
