i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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