I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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