Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
