u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
