I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
