does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
is that a dick in a sweater?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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