I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
