Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
