people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
