I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think i have herpe
just one?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
