how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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