is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
