Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my poor anus
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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