it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
