Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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