I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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