Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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