There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
