I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
