What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
