At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
