I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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