we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize