new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
