he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
