are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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