She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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