I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
