Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
