Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
