I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
