i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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