She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
