dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
