ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize