so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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