i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
