Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
