He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So vagazzling was a success
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
