you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
