Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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