Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize