maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
